A Mammoth has taken over the running of a small gallery in Auckland. Mobile Gallery Unit staff were last seen laying out hay on the floor of the gallery. A gallery assistant was overheard saying 'I knew something like this was going to happen'.
ART thou poor, yet hast thou golden slumbers? O sweet content! Art thou rich, yet is thy mind perplex'd? O punishment! Dost thou laugh to see how fools are vex'd To add to golden numbers golden numbers? O sweet content! O sweet, O sweet content! Work apace, apace, apace, apace; Honest labour bears a lovely face; Then hey nonny nonny—hey nonny nonny!
From 'Sweet Content' , by the Elizabethan poet Thomas Dekker.
Relationships with NASA strained this morning as argument raged over the usability of cardboard, tape and string in space. MGU is relying on the testimony of a three year old boy from Germany, who made the shuttle the other day in his bedroom. Initial claims that he had also discovered alien life were dismissed when this turned out to be his little sister.
In a new relationship with partnership organisation NASA, MGU is pleased to present its first endeavour into Virtual Reality. The caravan interior has undergone what can only be described as major re-fit, and pilot training will commence in the caravan this week!
"Nor was there a sound, nor a voice, or a cry, or the faintest murmur in The Desert, save the heavy dull tramp of our caravan: all else was the silence of death!" Robinson, James. Travels in the Great Desert of Sahara Page 70. M.D.CCC.XLVIII.
Eating apples and Sunday get-aways were part of our summer routine. The winter came. We were ruthlessly interrupted, forced into hibernation. But the grizzly bears are stirring once more!
Art Historians were quickly called to the scene as a small sculpture was found stuck to the outside window of the gallery. The historians muttered for some time before announcing that it was a critique of what Freud called the 'Oral' phase. The implications, they said, would be very hard to swallow.
MGU was re-discovered this morning by a vigilant parking warden wielding chalk. Gallery Assistants are still decoding her message. Some have called the chalky scrawl an art review. Others are determined it is a work of art. The parking warden would not comment on either accusation, and advised the assistants to move MGU within seven days, AND get a current WOF.
To celebrate Easter MGU invited a dear friend to perform in the nude. The uninhibited lady lay on the mattress provided, nonchalantly ate the apples, and threw the cores out the window. Magnificient!
Conflicting reports were received this morning about MGU's broken window. One witness claims to have seen a well dressed man in his early fifties tiptoe up shortland street and hurl a ginger beer bottle through the window of the gallery.
It is not easy to find a car park in the city. MGU is grateful to Gus Fisher for letting us park MGU outside his building. We understand the carpark is available to us from March 9 until March 23. During this time the vehicle will be stationary. The door will remain closed. The light will be on. The supporting struts [2] will be lowered to the ground. The wheel locks [2] will be locked. All MGU staff will be relieved from their duties. Public! Keep an eye on our caravan!
Critics of MGU were in uproar at the latest exhibition that they have labelled as "Too Good". They said the art was so good that it had become sickening. The critics said that while they recognised it as being 'very good contemporary art', the fact was that it repelled them, and many critics were seen limping away from the confused gallery assistants.
MGU was invited to Coromandel Town where the assistants drove the gallery up and down the main street for 1 hour on a Sunday afternoon. This type of art action has come to be known as our Sunday-Drive. On this occasion, cafe dwelling holiday-makers and local residents peered up from their plates to watch the performance that we repeated 15 times for their viewing pleasure. The gallery was invited to display itself especially for the leisure class who were seated at cafes all along the road being served one of the meals that they would eat that day. As is the habit of the leisure class, the meals are the main occupation of the day, occuring 3 times, or 5 times for those who indulge in morning and afternoon tea as well. It was designed to be a funny parade, with the gallery pacing up and down the street, slowly, and very very seriously. There is no telling what affect this action may have had, or will have on the population of Coromondel Town, now, or in the future.
During a recent exhibition at 'Hot Water Beach' some drunken teenagers arrived outside gallery hours to view the art. They sat for some time in their van getting more drunk and listening to music in preparation for visiting the gallery. One by one they came to visit. The first drunken youth tried to climb on the gallery roof, before abandoning that plan to peer through the windows. At this time the gallery was exhibiting one very angry sculpture and one very sleepy sculpture. The angry sculpture got very angry. The next visitor was a young girl with a flashlight, and she decided to make a lightshow inside the caravan. The next morning the gallery moved on to another location.
In a recent exhibition in MGU an unidentified artist hung their wet togs to dry. The exhibition lasted for 24 hours, and left many wondering whether it was some sort of commentary on New Zealand contemporary painting.
We are glad you received our letter about the 'Mobile P Lab', and must disappoint you again, the 'Porn Studio' stickers were another joke from our sticker happy neighbours.
While the sticker on the window said 'Mobile P Lab', this was just a prank from one of the neighbours, we are not selling or supplying 'the dreaded p' and the 'Mobile P Lab' is not for rent.
We were very glad to hear that you had some portraits of your friends "kicking round" and that you wanted to "make a quick buck", and to respond to your query about whether MGU would be the place to "hock them off", the firm answer is no.
We are rejecting your application to "just come and make a mess" in the gallery on the grounds that there is already enough shit that has been presented as art.
We at MGU are reeling after your application to exhibit with us. While the large expressionistic brushstrokes you mention do sound impressive, we feel only a much larger gallery could really do justice to what you call your 'grandiose stroke theory'.
We very much enjoyed your idea to send MGU to the moon! We found your diagrams and schematics very compelling, and with all your experience at NASA we are sure a rocket with a tow-bar will be an asset in space.